By Michelle Morris-PulliamI have been sitting quietly, stewing over these new self help dating books for black women. I see everyone from comedians to pastors, trying to tell someone how to have a functioning and healthy relationship. And well, its both funny and distrubing.
It is funny because, these very people who are trying to tell you how to have a good relationship, have failed miserabley at having good, normal and solid relationships. Not only that, but they know exactly what to say to capture the attention of black women. Those three words : Jesus, Man, Marriage. You say that three times in a row, you will be a million dollar writer over night. They will flock to you for your divine advice and wisdom. The only problem is ( and this is the distubing part) NO ONE CAN TELL YOU HOW TO HAVE A FUNCTIONAL REALTIONSHIP!!!!!
Relationships are a learned aspect of life. If you live in normal surroundings, chances are, you are going to have a normal relationship. If you had parents that were worth anything, you will know how to love, how to laugh and how to be the person you want in your own mate, there by attracting that mate to you.
If you live in abnormal situations but see bits of normal relationships...you learn to adapt your life to those sitautions that are normal, even though you are in personal abnormal surroundings.
The thing that bothers me, is that so many of these so called experts, are not experts at all. No real psychologist will call themselves an expert, simply because they are still and forever will be LEARNING. And as long as you are learning, you will NEVER BE AN EXPERT!!!!! There is no such thing as a relationship expert. You can not call yourself a marriage and relationship expert if you have been married 4 times and divorced all four times. What you are, if anything is an expert in failed relationships, as well as a divorce expert.
No dogma, can make you have a good relationship( see any pastor in the news as of late!!!). No person can instructed you on good relationships. These are all learned behaviors. And as human beings, if we are thinking people, we are learning people. We may not learn from our immediate surroundings but we can learn for others and their lives.
I feel sorry for those who waste good money on seminars, telling them things that they already know if they would just take the time to sit down and listen to themselves for a half of a second. I feel sorry for people who waste good therapy money on self help books when you need to be on someone's couch working out those mother/father issues so that you can be functional in your everyday life.
We need to stop making these folks rich, these folks who feel that because they have a spot light, its up to them to tell you how to live, eat, pray, love, think,etc.
