Monday, June 14, 2010

BFT Discussion: Why Don't Men Have To Be Married?

We just discussed why many women fill the need to be married, but why is it men don't feel the need to be married. It seems as though many men can marry or not marry. They seem ok dating several women at one time or just living with a woman without the ring. Are men, especially black men scared of commitment? BFT what do you think?
Posted by at 11:52 PM
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4 comments:

  1. A better question would be what is the upside of marriage for a man?

    Companionship? You got your boys to hang with, single women to date. So no. Even the whole, "You're gonna grow old alone" shaming tactic is all bluff. YOu will grow old regardless. You will die. You were born by yourself and you will die by yourself, nobody is dying with you. Any man who can't accept that and needs to cling to another person isn't much of a man. Why are STD's up in nursing homes? Because old people have sex and companionship. So there is always companionship with women at every stage of life. Marriage doesn't ensure that, not with the 70% divorce rate.

    Finances? Remember the old phrase two can live as cheaply as one? That doesn't apply anymore. One can live as cheaply as one. Marriage = more expenses. 90% of all divorces are initiated by women, which means for a man financially, marriage is a very risky proposition to his fiances. Court cost, lawyer's fees, alimony, child support. No marriage is a financial minefield.

    Sex? Come on...we all know the cow is free these days.

    Religious Salvation? If you are really religious and are following your believes, I cannot knock you there. Carry on.

    Housekeeping and cooking? Mexicans. Or if you make more coin, professional cleaning services and eating out. Or a novel idea, men can cook and clean just fine in a bachelor pad. Many women have no cooking skills these days anyway.

    Children? No. Children can be had out of wedlock, either way the state will make you responsible for them. Legitimate children? No bastardy is wide spread and common. There is no stigma. In a divorce your precious children will be exposed to things outside your control.

    Ensuring your children have good role models and are balanced individuals? This is the main reason a man should get married. Finding a woman who can make a man look past all of these legitimate reasons to stay single is a hard task. Most men have given up on finding that sort of woman. BUT! If you can find her, it's worth getting married to her IF you want to have children. That being said, if you make enough coin, you can hire a surrogate, buy an egg and have the surrogate carry your child to term, putting yourself as the sole parent. See ladies, we can do it to.

    I suspect this argument will be shamed down with all sorts of damming shaming language, ad honomien attacks against my person, and outright lies and distortion of the facts. It's okay. I understand. I'd be mad too if I was exposed.

    Women marry to gain access to assets for themselves and their offspring and for security. Men do not. We marry for love, but love has burned enough men that they are looking at it logically now and logically it doesn't add up to a good investment unless you are wealthy and can afford the cost of failure. Scared of commitment! Most men should be. Commit to the wrong one and watch your life get ruined. Better a few girlfriends and a life of fun than the alternative.

    There is no more reason for men to get married.
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  2. A better question would be, what is the upside of marriage for a man?

    Sex? Conpanionship? Financial? Children? Cooking and House cleaning?

    Sex dries up for most couples, divorce is at 70% and is initiated by women 90% of the time. Married men have higher bills to pay than single men (houses vs condo or apartment), and lose more assets in divorce (half his stuff vs none). Children can be had outside of marriage with no stigma. The 1950s are gone cooking and housekeeping are out. A man can keep a small apartment or condo relatively clean or hire some of those cheap laborers (mexicans) to do it for him.

    No there is very little upside for men.
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  3. Interesting perspectives...what would you suggest a woman do if she is seeking love, companionship and financially stable, etc...She poses the same financial risks as males..
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  4. Wow anonymous just summed up a whole lot and sadly it's true. But the entire post speaks to a change in the mindset of our society and what some would regard as a loss of morals. I think people have lost what marriage is really about. when you minimize the marriage commitment to those surface things, the sex/companionship/finances/children/housekeeping, you loose what it's really about - a deep spiritual connection with your mate, that something that fills the space in your heart and soul that nothing or no one else can fill. I think that connection is lost now because as anonymous said, the cow is free and not just sexually speaking either. Women, we hook up with men now and give our whole selves away without demanding much of anything in return. Or at least not anything that means anything real. True love has been de-valued.
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